Stories

What am I?

I slip from one identity to the other all the time.  I have so many personalities to fit so many situations, people and belief systems.  The only realness I can sense right now is I am life.  I was born, given a name, had experiences and am still here.  The identity I feel safest in is that I am life.  I have to eat and that keeps my identity going and my brain and thoughts going.  If I believe I am Neil who was abused and has a job and responsibilities that I don't care for then I feel…

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How I have abused myself and my current way out

I continue to believe that I am not worthy of love, acceptance or care.  I continue to believe more in the negative aspects of my personality rather than the amazingly gifted being I am because of my heart and open mind.  I continue to believe in conditional love so that I can feel righteous and powerful when my ego feels afraid, weak and vulnerable.  Everything I do against myself is something I have been taught, or something I have witnessed people I love and who professed love to me enact…

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Acceptance of all the assistance!

I am present.  I am life.  I am more than I can imagine myself to be.  I am.

Guides that have assisted my growth:

Builders of the Adytum

Janae and Barry Weinhold:  Breaking Free of the Codependency Trap and The Flight From Intimacy

Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman

Beyond Betrayal by Richard Gartner

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Delivered from Distraction by Ratey and Hallowell

The Ultimate Medicine: …

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A story

Rising from sleep I feel the fear.  I always feel it when I’m awake.  It has been my lifelong companion, the one I know the best, the north star.  I would like to find a new way to navigate-in fact, I tattooed my foot with the words ‘you are here’ like you see on a map that tells you how to orient yourself in a strange unknown place.  I look at it fondly and…

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